Chart Party: The Eagles cannot run to save their lives

Sunday, we bore witness to one of the worst rushing performances of the 21st century. Let's put together some charts so we can get through this abomination as quickly as possible.

In simple terms of volume, the loudest boos are pops, usually elicited by a call the crowd perceives as terrible. That shit is bacon fat, though. You want a feast, the kind that comes from 14 hours of a pig napping in a smoker, the sort that will leave you drenched in its aromatic fumes for days? Wait for the steady cascade of boos that replicates and builds upon itself, over and over, one bitter on-field disappointment to the next. Wait long enough, and you will be rewarded with the suffocating boos of Philadelphia fans throughout the Eagles' loss to the Cowboys. They were delicious.

This was DeMarco Murray's first game against his former team, the Cowboys, who are also the Eagles' hated rival. This was also an Eagles offense built by Chip Kelly, who is more famous for his high-powered, fast, fun offenses than anyone else in football. There were plenty of reasons for Eagles fans to expect more than this.

Couple that disappointment with the almost-incomparable frustration of watching a ground game that cannot function on a fundamental level to save its life. That's how you get a 65,000-voice choir joining together in full-throat booing in a single note, so eerily in unison, so foreign to nature, that surely the birds cower and the clouds huddle in terror. They just were loud as fuck, y'all, and they had every right to be. This was one of the worst run games from a home team in the history of the modern NFL.

In terms of yards per attempt, it was the fifth-worst home-team rushing performance of the last 50 years. I should note that the Eagles' 17 attempts trump all but one of the teams on that chart. They just kept on stubbornly running the ball, well after their spiritual heirs had the good sense to quit.

This gets worse once we consider the personnel involved. These were the running backs from the five most recent games on that chart leading up to Sunday's game:

• 2012 Cardinals: LaRod Stephens-Howling
• 2007 Chiefs: Larry Johnson, Michael Bennett
• 2006 Lions: Kevin Jones, Arlen Harris
• 2005 Dolphins: Ronnie Brown
• 2005 Rams: Steven Jackson

Larry Johnson, who the Chiefs had already run into the ground by 2007, played within one of the worst offenses I have ever seen. In 2005, Steven Jackson was a rookie who shouldered the run game all by himself. The rest of these dudes were never stars.

These Eagles, though.

The Eagles had three of the top 20 most proven, productive running backs of the decade at their disposal. Three!

With an unreal stable of running backs and a head coach famous for his high-powered offenses, playing in their home stadium against an arch-rival that gave up about 100 yards on the ground to a not-great Giants running back committee a week ago, the Eagles came up with one of the worst rushing performances of the 21st century. Philadelphia fans will boo Santa, and as it turns out, they will boo everyone else whose gameplan is to fall down a chimney. BOO. BOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

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