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Breaking Madden: Beast Mode, 3,000 players, and one controller
It's not fair that Jon gets to play Breaking Madden all by himself. So this time, he invited thousands of you to push the buttons for him. This is going to be so stupid.I regard "Twitch Plays Pokémon"...
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Chart Party: Melvin Gordon broke the all-time rushing record in 3 quarters
Saturday, Wisconsin running back Melvin Gordon ran for nearly a quarter-mile and busted the record for most rushing yards in NCAA FBS history. It was bonkers. To the charts!No. 20 Wisconsin's Melvin...
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Breaking Madden Roster Cuts: Yellin' at Maya Angelou
Did you tell a story awkward enough to land yourself a roster spot in this week's Breaking Madden? Well goodness, I certainly hope not. Here are the 19 Twitter players who find themselves in Week 12 of...
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Breaking Madden: Matt Stafford, as coached by the Internet
This week in Breaking Madden, we're playing as the Detroit Lions offense. Well, you are, actually. Y'all told me which buttons to push, and when to push them. This is all your fault.I let y'all play...
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A eulogy for RadioShack, the panicked and half-dead retail empire
This may very well be RadioShack's final holiday season. Jon, a former employee, looks back on a strange, craven, five thousand-fingered strip-mall monster from a forgotten age.RadioShack won't be the...
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we are pleased to announce that jon's sandwich shop has re-opened for...
after spending more than six months at the drawing board, we at jon's sandwich shop are pleased to introduce our newest venture, sand:WICH. please have a look at our menu. we are now open for business!...
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Breaking Madden Roster Cuts: The sex god who founded Chick-fil-A
Did you make it into this week's episode of Breaking Madden? Goodness, I hope not. This week, we're going to destroy the NFC South, and we have enlisted the help of a dozen Southern-inclined...
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Breaking Madden: The quest for a 4-12 playoff team
The NFC South is horrible. It could be worse, and it will be worse. Let's blow it to Hell.This season, there's a very good chance that we'll see a team wander into the playoffs with a losing record....
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Breaking Madden Roster Cuts: Waste some time by reading about wastes of time
Did you make it into this week's Breaking Madden? Goodness, I certainly hope not. Let's meet the 19 newest members of the Cleveland Browns and Carolina Panthers.Johnny Manziel's first-ever start in the...
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Breaking Madden: Johnny Manziel versus the arrow of time
We have seen Johnny Manziel extend plays for several seconds. In this episode of Breaking Madden, we ask him to do so for an eternity.I spent most of this episode trying to decide what the hell I was...
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Maybe the Falcons and Saints can both lose: A Madden simulation
Sunday, the 6-8 Saints and 5-8 Falcons will play in a game that may well determine who wins the NFC South. Neither team deserves this. So Ryan Nanni and Jon Bois fired up Madden, coached these teams,...
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'Last I checked, he had a country to run': A short play, in two acts
If President Obama fills out a college football playoff bracket, he will usher us into a paradise. Paradise is its own Hell.Henry watches television from the only occupied stool of a dim, dusty bar....
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Stuff Jon wrote in 2014
More than 100 articles are published to the Internet each and every year! Jon Bois wrote a lot of those. Here are the 10 he is happiest with.10. Jon's Basketball Game.Using a sandbox physics engine, I...
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Nothing gold can stay: In pursuit of the best sports account on Twitter
Jon thought it would be nice to create a Twitter account that gave a voice to all sports fans. So he made one, and then he tweeted out the password to everybody who wanted to use it. Everything fell...
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Breaking Madden Roster Cuts: Waldo has been burning in Hell for decades
Did you make it into this week's episode of Breaking Madden? Goodness, I certainly hope not. Let's meet the 13 newest members of the Dallas Cowboys, and hear their stories of shame.Last weekend, under...
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Breaking Madden: The quest for 18,356 rushing yards in one game
The Dallas Cowboys must be destroyed, and Emmitt Smith's all-time rushing record must be broken. Clarence BEEFTANK, the hero of Breaking Madden, has 60 minutes to break it.The Dallas Cowboys play under...
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Breaking Madden Roster Cuts: The 20 worst screw-ups of our time
Did you make it into this week's episode of Breaking Madden? Goodness, I hope not. Here are the 20 intrepid people who are suiting up for the Colts. They have terrible, terrible stories to tell.This,...
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Breaking Madden: The Touchdown Tom Trilogy concludes
The Patriots' offense: 11 identical clones of Tom Brady. The Colts' defense: 11 enormous superhumans who have never seen a football game. In this episode of Breaking Madden, Touchdown Tom is in for the...
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The Breaking Madden Super Bowl: Let's destroy football for a cause
Make a donation to the charity of your choice, and you might make it into the season finale of Breaking Madden! We're going to kill football, and you will be to blame.Longtime readers of Breaking...
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Mike McCarthy things
Mike McCarthy is the head coach of the Green Bay Packers. Here are 18 things about him.1.Screws the cap back on the beer bottle when he's not drinking it2. Sous-vides SweetTarts3. Replies "ok. from,...
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