"What does it feel like to be [age]?" We all ask and are asked this question on an annual basis. It's a pretty banal question, right? There's no satisfactory answer for it. How does it feel to be 26? LOL I DON'T KNOW MAN HAHA
But as I've learned, the 30th birthday is different. It's a question I can actually answer! Here, in a series of bullet points, is what it feels like to be 30 years old.
- A worthless fucking old pile of shit
- Garbage, but better, because I will at least walk my haggard ass to the curb
- Fucking horrible as fuck
- Useless
- Two or three trillion cells that can't wait to be worm food
- The worst and oldest person in the entire world
- Pre-shit
- A rusty pipe some kid found in an abandoned warehouse and dropped halfway home because it wasn't that cool after all
- A copy of "Meet the Deedles" on HD-DVD
- Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucking old
- God's weird uncle